beneath those shadows...

Saturday, January 27, 2007

My dear little ones.. I'm fine.
though it hard to forget everything but I'll try my very best.
don't worry Perry, I'm a strong girl.
I will be able to walk out of this period.
what every happened during o levels, during and after prom which eventually drag till my china trip is however still living vividly in my heart.
perhaps forgetting it is too hard.
probably keep it as a memory rather than a nightmare or lesson learnt can be of less painful.
my foolish act to step into that place even after many people discouraging.
when love is foolish and stubborn itself.
many tell me to stop being foolish and move on as I deserve better.
but the point is not about comparing partners or what he deserves you or not.
the matter lies with the fact that feelings cannot be easily forgotten or cultured within a short period.
liling, as I have told you on Monday.
I will no longer stop you for doing anything foolish because I am too.
however I still know whets rational.
I will no longer support your decision towards that particular matter.
you and I both know really well about the outcome.
but your stubbornness insisted that you gave it a last try.
however ling, you need to have a strong and firm stand
please do not be easily swayed and influenced
both Perry and I are really worried about you GRADUALLY getting hurt.
when I shan't make things sound so obvious.
if you are reading this article, please for god's sake love ling wholeheartedly.
stop hurting her, the amount of hurt you gave ling is comparable to the amount of love ling showered upon you.
well you can hate me for all you want for blogging such a post but you can never stop ling from loving you.
no one has the rights to inflict pain onto one another but in life we always cross that boundary.

crystal [searchin] 6:20 AM

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Apparently it has been decades since I blog.
Once again i will start the entry with sentences like so many events have occurred and I have absolute no idea of how to present them.
Well. simple as that life is never fair.
Sometimes you will get to be really lucky while others tend to be really unfortunate.
Perhaps i am really unfortunate.
After that significant event in July, he came back asking how I was on Thursday, 18 of January 2007.
He asked if I still fancy him even though he has been attached.
Explanation to this was that he wanted to clear things up.
I mean whats the point?
You mean you still want me to be your friend after toying with me?
You actually thought that I really didnt hate you?
Although I told you I never hated you a single bit but I very much hated you.
You could never imagine the life that I had when you had another girl in your arms.
You could never imagine me crying and you laughing with her.
You brought all this to me and I stupidly believed all your lies.
Well. I couldn’t say its entirely your fault because you came with the lamest and lousiest reasons saying that you left because you felt that it was the wrong time to approach me and probably I am not the girl for you.
Wow.seriously you make yourself sound so low.
U actually have to use such excuses to make yourself sound so good or rather less gulity.
you tried to be a gentleman by telling me that he still loves me a lot.
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!
You said that he was your good friend.
Can u imagine me telling him what you actually have done?
Can you still face him?
You when after his ex and toyed with her feeling and then tried to bring them back together?
Seriously your actions cant deny the fact that youre a loser.
You snatched someone else’s girlfriend to be yours.
Apparently the only conclusion I ever get from you is that U LOVE STUFF THAT OTHERS OWN.
U don’t have a life…
You live in the shadows of others.
U believe that the happiness shared between the others can be snatched and taken away by you.
Well I just want to you, I pity you.
You will never gain my respect or trust because you have betrayed them.

crystal [searchin] 3:01 AM

Saturday, December 16, 2006

it has been a long time since i have blog..
hahah simply because i have no idea where to start with...
i juz flew back from hainan (china) on the 14th..
i when to attend my relatives wedding..
well wad can i say...
china is not exaCTLY the place i waould wanna stay...
dun really wanna mention abt this trip..
anyway i'm flyin to beijing and then to shanghai on the 23th
spending christmas there..
hope that things can be better...
perhaps i can forget some stuff there..
heard that beijing is getting colder and colder..
it around 5 to -7 degree celsius...
guess it gonna be fun...
just hope that everything is gonna be alrite..

word to him...
u think by letting tat caller to decide everything for u is correct,
well be it..
simply irresponsible...
u only think abt yourself...
have u ever thought abt wad might happen to me?
u only believe and insists on ur own way...
if since this is the case, live on lyk tat..
i wouldnt forgive u..

crystal [searchin] 8:36 PM

Friday, July 21, 2006

my little mew mew

my little mew mew is going for sterilization today....
woke up a little before time...
unable to sleep really well last night...
toss and turn on the bed...
well... you might be thinking tat its just a minor operation... why so uptight able...
well.. i have read up on cases in which the cats are not able to withstand the anesthetic and literally die on the operation theatre...
fear send shivers down my spine....
really terrified...
and yesterday afternoon, i brought home 2 little new born kittens....
jie jie was very fascinated by the new infants...
the eyes of the little kitten unopen...
one of the kitten's umbilical cord is still attach to its body...
it is just a few days old...
its terribly small....
haha... some say that it look like a monkey as the ears are not really developed...
hahaha...
well.. my cat was really angry with me..
she hissed and bite me when i try to carry her...
she was actually offended when i brought other cats home...
she hid in my room all day long..
didnt want to come out..
until night time when i came home from tuition, she finally came out...
my mom said that the cat was so affected that she didnt want to come out for dinner until i was back...
mommy reprimanded me for putting mew mew under such torment...
my heart literally broke..
when i only thought that my cat was selfish and was unable to accept other cats...
well.. i have gtg...
need to bring her to the clinic now...
pray hard that everything's going to be all right...
ciaoz...

crystal [searchin] 6:01 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

what has the world turn to...
BRAZIL LOST TO FRANCE....
I HATE FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
once again it reminded me of him...
he once say that....
many gerls don really watch soccer with their bf..
i m one of those few.. very rare...
i haven being contacting him ever since friday nite...
i hope i can really get over it...
his words, his every movement rang my mind every minute...
why must he tell him those stuff...
wad the fuck....
he dont understand the torment i m undergoing now...
he feels bad to others wad abt me?
hai... i dunnno la....
let him do wadeva he wans to...
as long as he is happy and doesnt regret them can le...
i dunno wad to ask for any further...
i guess forgetting him is the best solution...
cause i dun seem to see any light in hold on to his feelings...
i dun seem to see any future....
as much as i wan him badly, i still choose to give up...
i dunno why..
i m so starting to lose faith in him and love le....
so many ppl warned me abt him...
so many told me to be careful and yet i still fall for the trap...
i dunno wad has gotten over me...
i noe my irregular meals have made liling very worried...
but ling, i will try my best ta eat de...
i may seem to be pathetic and indulging into self-pity...
i will try to get over them de...
thanks liling, shi qi, shamine, li jun, michelle for being there...
u all meant alot to me... i will try to get over de....
i love u peeps...

crystal [searchin] 6:04 PM

Friday, June 30, 2006

well what can i say.....
things have happen and i feel so torn apart.....
maybe reasons alot are not enough for me...
maybe love is just too ambitious itself....
perhaps what has happen might just be the best solution to resolve the internal conflict within him...
oh well.. what can i say......
all the best to him and take care......
i guess i will take this incident as a beautiful memory and bury it deep down....
i dont want to comment further on the incident....
peeps i am ok...
especially to my dearest liling.....
i guess you must be very worried about me...
but i am really fine...
seriously i am mentally prepared for it..
hahah...
anyway this might also be a blessing in disguise..
hahahah... who knows...

i was mentally prepared for this..
but i never knew that it would happen so fast...
perhaps this was only just a dream...
a dream so sweet i dont even want to face reality...
but the truth is........
i am very much trying to run away from it...
i dont want to face it nor believe...
let time heal me....
let nature takes its own course....
let this incident subsides....
let everything just get back to where there are....
dont give me hope when you know that you are going to take them away...

crystal [searchin] 8:46 PM

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

So many things have happen and some make me really heartbroken while some really struck me.....

In a relationship, what is the most important thing?

Is it TRUST?

LOVE?

PASSION?

UNDERSTANDING?

KNOWING HOW TO CHERISH SOMEONE?

ABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS/HER FLAWS OR ACCEPT WHO THEY ARE AND NOT CHANGING THEM?

Everyone have they very personal answer to this question.....

Particularly, my answer is understanding and the ability to cherish and treasure someone…

All of them are vital role in maintaining a long and lasting relationship....

But they must come from both sides.... both parties must play a part...

If it is only one party doing the job well, he or she will be worn one and eventually leaving the relationship....

Yes yes yes.... you might think he cherishing u can be seen by waiting for u.....

But let me tell u… for some people, they look for a partner isnt because he or she loves that particular person but because he or she doesn’t want to be alone....

I particularly feel tat HE has presented himself in this way...

Cherishing someone is not but waiting for someone...

It is by spending quality time on loving, pampering her and making her happy.....

NOT by screaming or shouting her for getting lost when you are the one that gave her the wrong address............

IT IS NOT DONE BY reprimanding or rather throwing temper in order to stop her from doing the things she like when you find it stupid or a waste of money even when she is not even using your money.......

IT IS NOT SHOWN through continuous heated up quarrels..........

NOT REVEALED through countless repeated broken promise and mistakes.............

U DO NOT USE VULGARITIES TO REPRIMAND UR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U DO NOT PERFORM SUCH ACTS EVEN IN A FIT OF ANGER..............

this are the basics.....................

Cherishing is shown through acceptance, understanding and mutual respect............

Loving someone doesn’t mean that you KNOW how to cherish someone............

I have already said my peace.............

If you dont understand, then dont...........

People out there..............if you feel that I am in the wrong then be it...........

You never experience the feeling of loving someone so much but he in return perform the above actions................

You will never know how your love for someone had been reduced or rather away through his heartless language.........

You never understand how tough it was to go against all odd even being bullied or outcaste from the crowd just to be with that particular person and yet he doesnt cherish you...........

I guess, I am not so strong to go on.............

To someone out there.........

I have already done what I could to salvage the relationship but to no avail...........

If you or your friends want to hate me, be it....... there is nothing much I have to say or do further...........

crystal [searchin] 4:55 AM